The saga of the hot cutlet
There lived a cat in one family. It would seem that there is nothing surprising here. An ordinary Vaska, a gray striped sly guy. But in addition to his natural cunning and cunning, he was also an inveterate thief. A trained eye noticed everything that was lying badly, tenacious claws grabbed the “prey”, and teeth quickly chewed the food trophy. All of the cat’s hunting trips took place approximately according to this pattern, usually taking place in the kitchen.
One fine day, the housewife decided to fry a cutlet - she made minced meat and started frying. Vaska, of course, was spinning under his feet. The woman was distracted from cooking by the doorbell. She rushed into the corridor to let her husband in, and without hesitation returned to the kitchen. I looked into the pan, and one cutlet was already missing. Looking menacingly at the cat and seeing the cute creature innocently looking straight into her eyes, she doubted. Well, the cat couldn’t swallow the hot cutlet so quickly. So where did she go?
And then the tailed actor began to squirm his butt on the floor in a strange way. Meowing loudly, he jumped up and ran into the corridor. It turns out that in order to hide the stolen cutlet, he simply sat on it - there was too little time for more complex maneuvers. But I didn’t calculate my strength - it turned out to be difficult to sit on the hot meat “bomb”.
Jokes about cats and cats
I recently got a cat, a Maine Coon. Such a healthy cat with tufts on his ears, a born hunter. Red cat, serious, I called him Sheriff. I live in a private house, in a fairly warm climate, such that cockroaches here are street insects. Nevertheless, cockroaches love to fly into and crawl into homes. And once they crawl in, they never leave on their own.
So, my newly acquired cat committed genocide on them.
Cockroaches are not very afraid of people, since they move much faster than us. By the way, if they want, they can fly, but they don’t have such a desire often. And definitely not for running away from people - they are simply too lazy to escape from us.
But with a cat it’s a different matter, I observed this thoroughly.
At first, the Sheriff was timid and did not go anywhere further than the first floor, and on the first floor he hid more and more under the washing machine. Then he got used to it, became bolder and started working on cockroaches. They didn’t immediately figure out who they were dealing with; at first they tried to run away. Ha! When he thinned out their horde by about three times, they began to try to fly away from him. Well, yes, God help them. My ceilings are low, two and a half meters, and my Maine Coon jumps one and a half meters from a standstill.
The cockroaches on the first floor ran out very quickly, and the remaining ones crawled to escape on the second floor, where the bedrooms are. They had never wandered there before, I even had time to get upset by their invasion, but not very much and not for very long.
The Sheriff clearly has a special love for cockroaches. No, he also catches flies, but without enthusiasm, but cockroaches are a passion. Therefore, after making sure that there were no more cockroaches on the first floor, he went to the second. It was then that the arthropods almost reached their final star.
Cockroaches move silently, you won't hear them at night. But the Sheriff doesn’t bother with such nonsense. That is, when he goes out hunting, he doesn’t make much noise either, but when he catches a prey, it sounds like this: “shsh-shsh-shsh-bdm, urrr!...” Bdm, this is a jump, and urrr, this is when the cockroach finds itself in paws.
He tormented them all on the second floor, then again walked around miserable for a couple of days until he discovered the presence of an attic with a billiard table. This is where the real disco began, and late at night.
The scene is like this - I’m sleeping peacefully, suddenly I hear “ba-bam!!!” I wake up in a cold sweat - what? Where? - unclear. And then again “ba-bam!!!” above. I run into the attic - the Sheriff is on the table, two billiard balls are rolling on the floor, and between the sheriff’s paws the last one has a mustache. And the cat looks at me proudly, saying: “Did you see it, master?..”
..And now the house is sterile. The sheriff again sadly wanders around the first floor, sighs and asks in his meow: “When are we going to hunt again, huh?”
Home…sweet home
One family bought an apartment (they exchanged a smaller one for a larger one), and the previous owners moved according to the same principle to a neighboring house. While we were filling out the documents and moving, we became friends and started communicating. And now the long-awaited moment - the first night in a new home. The owner wakes up to hear a cat meowing nearby. He opens his eyes and sees a handsome red-haired man sitting next to the bed and looking at the sleeping family with such a demanding gaze. Like, what a disgrace, I’m hungry, but everyone is sleeping. The still half-asleep woman automatically goes to the kitchen, opens the refrigerator, takes out milk and pours it into a saucer. And then suddenly the question pops into my head: where did the cat even come from here?
Upon arrival, there were no animals in the apartment, the door was closed. Balcony! It was open at night. This means the cat got inside through him. At the family council they decided that this was probably the “Vaska” of the previous owners, and out of habit he came to the old apartment after a night walk. The assumptions turned out to be true. The old residents arrived and took the pet. The find was celebrated by getting together and drinking beer, and then they parted ways. And everything would be fine if history did not repeat itself the next morning. The cat stubbornly did not want to understand why he should now live in another place if everything suits him in this house. Groundhog Day continued for another six months, until the cat agreed to exchange the old living space for a new one.
Funny statuses about cats
Touching, cunning, affectionate and playful. As soon as your favorite cat is named. The owner often speaks about her with humor, but always with love. After all, raising a furry pet is like having a real, round-the-clock antidepressant.
- “I feel like I’m in the army again when I wash my cat’s litter box.”
- “Do you know what unconditional love is? My cat doesn’t know either.”
- “If your pet tears up wallpaper and curtains, know that you have bad taste. But the cat knows better.”
- “There are no closed doors for a cat.”
- “Never meow back at a cat unless you want to be looked at as if you’re crazy.”
- “My beloved cat always stays on my lap until the last moment when I get up. He’s waiting for me to come to my senses, I’m a shameless person.”
- “Selfishness can be cute. Just look at your purring pet on your warm... shoulders.”
- “My Barsik is the sweetest, affectionate and loving pet. When you're hungry."
- “They say scars make men beautiful. Now I know how to win women. Barsik, we're going for a swim!
- “If you believe King that cats are gangsters in the animal world, then my Barsik would lead this group.”
Unequal compensation
Aunt Valya, a kind-hearted woman, had a dacha where she lived every year in the summer. The neighbor's cat Valet loved to come and visit her, because she treated him with open sympathy and very pleasantly scratched him behind the ear. They lived in such a friendly idyll for more than one season, and everything suited everyone. By the way, the cat was very clumsy and lazy, and during his cat life he managed not to catch a single mouse. Why bother if you are already well fed.
One fine summer day, Valentina Ivanovna, having received her pension, was delighted to buy a charmingly large salmon and put it on the veranda. Several recipes were spinning in my head, and the woman went into the house to get a cookbook. Returning to the street, she froze in place at the sight she saw - the Pilot was inspiredly finishing the fish, absolutely not ashamed of his action. And this despite the fact that he had never been caught stealing before. The woman could not stand such open rudeness, shouted at the cat and drove him out of the yard.
Half an hour later, Aunt Valya, having calmed down and cheered up, told her neighbor, the owner of the tailed thief, about the incident. Having laughed together at this story, the women heard a rustling sound and turned around. A cat came into the area and walked importantly towards the pensioner. He had a mouse in his teeth! Approaching her feet, he defiantly placed the mouse next to her, and his eyes read, “Here’s your compensation. And it was worth shouting like that because of some kind of fish.” He came to visit more - apparently he was very offended.
Cats and food: funny stories
The most famous joke about a cat and buckwheat (pasta, potatoes and the like that cats “love”).
- The man decided to save a little, he thought, why not eat buckwheat for several days: is it healthy, cheap? But the cat did not immediately understand his train of thought. The first day at my bowl of buckwheat proudly: - Eww, what disgusting, no way! The second day at the bowl of buckwheat, it’s sad: “Buckwheat again, no variety.” On the third day, at the same bowl with the same buckwheat, but with hope: “Is buckwheat healthy?” On the fourth day, the cat flies into the kitchen, pauses at the bowl and joyfully: “Oh, they’re giving me buckwheat, hurray!”
Or briefly:
- - Ew, buckwheat... - Buckwheat again? - Oh, buckwheat!
- Vaska was a strange cat: he respected herring under his fur coat, meat behind the sofa, sausage under the table, cutlets under the blanket... In general, he was very shy when it came to food.
- How cultural traditions are formed based on cinema: many people still eat a sandwich with the sausage down only because in the cartoon one cat said that it tastes better this way.
- The cat is a very sociable creature. He will never blame you for eating at night. He will just eat with you for company!
- The Jews bought a kilogram of meat and hid it in the pantry. In the morning we poked our heads in and there was no meat. They began to think where it could have gone, suspicion fell on the cat - she ate it! They caught the cat, put it on the scales - just one kilogram of weight. Then the grandfather says: “Okay, we found the meat, but where did the cat go?”
- The cat comes to the bar and says: “A glass of beer and salted nuts, please, I got a job nearby, I’ll stop by.” The bartender is perplexed, but serves everything. The cat sat down at the bar, sipping beer. The bartender couldn't stand it, how come a talking cat with beer? He calls the circus director and tells about what happened. The director drives up to see such a miracle, rejoices, comes up with a number on the go and begins to seduce the cat: “Do you want to earn a thousand dollars?” - I want to, but what should I do? - Well, I’m the director of the circus, I wanted you to come to us... - Well, actually, you can go to the circus, but I don’t understand. Why do you need programmers?
Buy food!
There are difficult financial times in every family when you need to tighten your belt and temporarily switch to economical mode. This is exactly what happened in the Ivanov family. And the first thing that the changes affected was nutrition. Of course, I had to cut down on delicacies not only for myself, but also for the cat. So, instead of whiskey, a regular soup appeared in the bowl, albeit cooked in chicken broth. The Marquis was clearly not ready for this state of affairs, and was not going to put up with the situation that had arisen.
The cat went on strike. He looked at the “strange” food with contempt, asking with his appearance:
- And this is what I have to eat now? For mercy, gentlemen, what kind of gastronomic slop is this?
To which he was given a laconic answer:
- Alas, there is no money for your canned food now. We'll have to make do with soup and sausage. Get used to regular homemade food.
The Marquis left the kitchen in disgust and defiantly ducked under the sofa. And literally half a minute later, a ten-ruble coin flew out from under the sofa, launched by powerful cat paws. This is character!
Short poems and quatrains about cats for kids
The cat is at the radiator all day, warming his sides and paws. He doesn't leave the kitchen in the cold. He doesn't go anywhere.
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
The cat believes in love and affection, although it can be proud at times. He even makes innocent eyes, pressing his cheek against you.
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
The little cat jumped into the basket, stretched, licked itself and curled up!
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
A black cat sat down on the window to lick its tummy, saw a cat in the yard and quickly jumped from the window!
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
Meow-meow, pussy is crying - My bowl is empty! Meow-meow, where is the mistress? She doesn't feel sorry for me at all! The children took pity on the pussy and poured milk into a bowl.
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
Our pussy is sick. Doesn't even fit in the bowl. She doesn’t drink her milk and crawled under the chest of drawers. We started calling the little kitty and giving her treats. They showed her the sausages and her pussy got better.
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
A cat comes out of the gate, sings a sweet song: “I’m happy, I’m not gloomy, the sun has risen, purr-purr-purr!”
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
My friend has small ears, soft paws, scratchy claws and a funny tail... Come visit, I’ll introduce her to my Murka.
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
He is funny, very soft, loves to attack slippers. He's cunning like a fox, Hey, kitten: KIS-KIS-KIS!
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
Why are you meowing, dear cat? Does your tummy hurt? No - please pet me, I will purr affectionately.
And God sent a cat
This funny story was told in one TV show, and then went to the people in the form of an anecdote. There lived a priest in a village. An ordinary priest who left the house one morning and found his beloved cat in a tree. The poor fellow meowed with fear, but flatly refused to descend from the branch on his own. To save his pet from death and save his neighbors from heart-rending screams, the priest came up with a cunning combination.
He decided to tie a rope to a branch and then bend the tree using a car as a tractor. The idea was good, but the rope turned out to be weak and broke at the very moment when the branch almost touched the ground. The catapult came out with a bang, and the cat instantly disappeared over the horizon.
A mother and daughter lived in the same village. The girl really asked to give her a cat, but every time she received the answer:
- Ask God. Maybe he will hear you and do what you want.
By a happy coincidence, while the cat was performing aerobatic maneuvers in the air, the family was just having another conversation about buying a cat. The little daughter, on the advice of her mother, began to pray intensely, when suddenly a desperately meowing “gift” flies into the window. Everyone is shocked, including the cat. And how can you not believe in miracles after this?
Beautiful statuses about cats
Many philosophical statements are devoted to these mysterious animals. Man has always noticed the mystery, grace, cunning and affection of cats. In some countries, the animal is elevated to the rank of sacred. And today, every cat lover knows deep down that his pet is a unique creature with whom you will never get bored. Below are beautiful statuses about cats, their qualities and the feelings they awaken in humans.
- “A cat can allow a person to become its friend. The owner - never."
- “A cat’s love is inversely proportional to the amount of space it leaves for a person on the bed.”
- “Cats cannot be accused of superiority. How would you behave if you were the most perfect being on the planet?”
- “Even the most sophisticated lady can envy the grace of cats.”
- “Their equanimity amazes me. They never worry about what little mice will think.”
- “Cats are like lonely people. They are never intrusive, but their presence is felt.”
- “The cat always feels the attitude towards her. No matter how much you feed her, she still intuitively knows whether she is really loved.”
- “These animals are not vindictive. They are wise: they always act according to their conscience, they always respond in kind.”
- “Where else have you seen as much charm as in this animal?”
- “I am completely sure that my cat has a soul. Otherwise she wouldn’t have such piercing and understanding eyes.”
- “Cats are like independent women. They only allow you to think that they belong to you.”
- “A man is only as human as he is ashamed of his animal.”
- “We should learn honesty from cats. They arch their back only in response to stroking. We want to be stroked."
Bandit couple
There was a cat in one family. No, he didn’t just live, he reigned supreme. And then, to his misfortune, the owners took pity on the stray dog and took it into the house. The foundling turned out to be a young Caucasian Shepherd dog - thin, unhappy and tattered. They named her Alma. An impudent Siberian cat named Fluff immediately went on the offensive and drove the poor dog under the closet, where she sat for several days and was afraid to move.
As time passed, the cat changed his anger to mercy and decided to accept the dog as a friend, graciously bringing Alma a piece of sausage as a sign of reconciliation. The animals became friends, and they became inseparable. The ringleader in this company was, as you might guess, a cat. He imposingly and boldly walked around the yard, showing with all his appearance who was the boss here. And no one objected to this course of events, because they did not want to get involved with the huge shepherd dog that was following Fluffy on his heels.
One day this sweet couple disappeared somewhere and appeared only in the evening. A large piece of beef was dragging in the dog’s teeth, and the cat’s eyes sparkled triumphantly. As it turned out later, the theft took place several blocks from the house. Some cooperators were selling meat on the street - this was in the hungry 90s. Eyewitnesses told how a cat appeared from around the corner, approached the tray and began to hover around the meat. They chased him away, but then a dog ran “into the arena,” grabbed the largest piece, and ran away, accompanied by that same impudent cat. No one had any desire to take away the trophy, looking at the impressive size of the Caucasian Shepherd Dog. Since then, the gangster couple has become a local celebrity, repeatedly committing predatory raids on market traders.
Toilet inspector
Like people, animals also have “cockroaches” living in their heads—sometimes very unusual and unpredictable ones. The cat Murka also experienced a slight imbalance, and one fine day she simply refused to drink water from the drinking bowl. For some reason, it seemed to her that the water in the toilet was much tastier, and the process itself was much more exciting. The owners were not prepared for such a turn of events and tried in every possible way to wean the cat from this habit. But nothing helped. She successfully “survived” all the flavors and repellents and even learned to open the hinged lid herself.
As soon as someone locked the door to the toilet, Murka began to scream heart-rendingly and scratch herself at the door. She seriously decided that the toilet had now become her private property, and no one had the right to infringe on her drinking water. After leaving the restroom, she frantically began to carry out an inspection - she sniffed the seat and jumped up, checking whether there was any water left inside. Well, if she smelled a bad smell, she made crazy eyes, which literally meant: “Have you gone completely crazy here? This is my territory! Why are you thinking about crap here?”
Thoughtful Terrorist
Courtyard cats, due to their heightened survival instinct, are much more likely to show resourcefulness and ingenuity in communicating with people. Just such a thoughtful “comrade” was Philemon, a big fluffy cat who lived in the entrance of one house. Unlike other homeless animals, weak, thin and defenseless, he had thick, well-fed sides and openly enjoyed life. Such a carefree and well-fed “picture” of life was preceded by a whole series of events, which cannot be called an accident. More like a clearly planned theatrical play.
A dark vestibule served as the stage where all the events unfolded. The light fell there only from the stairs, and when someone went inside, they found themselves in semi-darkness. The cat quickly scurried under his feet, exposing his butt to the blow of the door. From the outside it looked very painful, as evidenced by Philemon’s desperate cries. But in fact, he skillfully dodged, and the door itself barely touched his body. Frightened passers-by, seeing the suffering of the poor animal, tried to compensate for their carelessness with some tasty treat. Over time, the residents of the house saw through the cat’s acting, but this fact did not prevent them from continuing to feed the cunning one and taking him into collective custody.
Detective investigation
The story happened to one young girl. It all started when things started disappearing from her apartment. And not simple ones, but golden ones. Either the chain suddenly disappears from a prominent place, then one earring is missing, or the bracelet disappears into the water. Adding to the strangeness was the fact that Katya lived alone, apart from her cat - her husband went on a long business trip and was supposed to return only in a few months. While discussing the situation with work colleagues, many versions were discussed: from simple forgetfulness and inattention to mysterious thieves and aliens.
The disappearances would have continued if one colleague had not suggested placing a car DVR in the house. No sooner said than done. The necessary equipment was lent by the same savvy colleague. Imagine the surprise when the recording finally caught the malicious attacker at the crime scene. It turned out to be a cat, who very professionally opened a jewelry box, pulled out another interesting thing (in her opinion) and disappeared from the viewing area with the prey. Subsequently, all the missing jewelry was found under the cat's bedding, and the whole team laughed for a long time at the antics of the tailed thief.
Cats and children
The relationship between kids and animals is always special. Is it worth reminding us how children love to show their love for pets? Here are some statuses about cats and children that may reflect the interaction of these worlds.
- “Denis, how do you understand that you and your brother have the same essays about a pet? “We just have one cat in the house.”
- “The only thing scarier to our animal than the sound of a vacuum cleaner is the cry of our daughter, “Barsik!”
- “If you have children and at least one cat living in your house, you will only dream of peace.”
- “Sometimes it seems to me that our son and cat are the leaders of warring criminal gangs. And soon they will decide which of them will evict my wife and me onto the street.”
- “Our cat can only run faster than to the refrigerator from the hugs of a child.”
All the statuses about cats are not able to accommodate people’s love for these animals. Let them delight everyone with their presence, because this is an additional handful of happiness in life.
