So, shaking at the rear window of the car rushing towards my weekly goal, I listened to Mom
I read, with an expression unique
to her
, the diary of one of my brothers about his difficult (in his opinion) life. One thing I can say is that he was unlucky with his roommates, not like me.
I sleep where I want, eat when I want and as much as I want. True, they give meat only twice a day, and then you need to remind them in the morning and wait for Mom to return from work in the evening, when she comes and feeds. Sometimes you have to wait a long time. She is often delayed, and I have to go out into the corridor and call her. And when she comes, the holiday is on me
street.
I don’t know who I was in a past life. Mom claims that he is human. I was punished for something and I became a cat. I don't know, and it doesn't matter now. I'm quite happy with this
life.
Who am I
Very noble, judging by his blood relatives. The cat dad is British, the cat mom is Russian. Or vice versa? But I also consider myself “Russian”. My name is Marquis
. Mom claims that this nickname immediately came to her mind when she saw me for the first time, sitting in a glass box in the cold at the Bird Market. Wow! Marquis is in an aquarium. No, yes, but the name obliges. Trying. It doesn't always work out. But I'm struggling with it.
I am a redhead. Not in the sense that you think. This is my exterior. Is it some kind of stupid word, or am I using it incorrectly in relation to myself? Briefly speaking. My muzzle is painted with dark red symmetrical stripes, like an Indian, I don’t remember which tribe. There is a wide red stripe on the back, a vest on the sides, and a polka dot belly. The nose is pink, after cold spring nights spent outside, it turns red, like Santa Claus. My smooth coat allows me to groom easily and with pleasure.
A very funny story about a cat
Good mood to you all!
I love cats:) I found a very funny story about a cat, I’m sharing it... My cat is an evil troublemaker. He's like a child, with an eye on him. Small things cannot be left in sight; they are immediately thrown onto the floor and taken to the hiding place. We found one of these under the sofa: gingerbread cookies, biscuits, candy wrappers, hair bands, ear sticks, napkins, my husband's underpants, nasal drops - there was just a whole mountain of everything there.
The cat snoops around the dining table and steals tea bags. Sometimes he sits thoughtfully on the windowsill, looks into the distance and lightly gnaws at the violet. All winter I dried my panties and socks on the radiator - needless to say, the cat threw my underwear on the floor and happily chased my socks around the apartment. His special love is his husband’s woolen sock.
Sometimes he catches imaginary points on the walls, jumping almost to the ceiling and tearing off pieces of wallpaper. Our wardrobe has casters. I’m just thinking about opening the closet, and the cat is already sitting next to it - he must “catch” all the wheels! Sometimes he gets into the closet and sits there with a stupid muzzle for hours, waiting for someone to open the door - in order to “catch” the wheel. And even the fact that his paws have been pinched more than once does not stop the cat.
On the sly, while no one is home, he rides on the curtains, which I learn from countless puffs. He sits in a bucket of fresh laundry, and when I start waving my arms at him and shouting “Screw!”, he hides - compacts himself into the laundry, presses his ears back and sits like a fool, peeping with one eye.
The apogee of cat madness is to hide in a secluded place where no one can see him, for example, in the corner of the sofa, in the same bucket or behind the leg of a chair, and from there “suddenly” attack. Then run away to another room, but how! On its hind legs, making the sound of a flying “corn cracker” and running along all the walls that get in its way.
If after this the cat discovers that no one is following him, he begins to sing a mournful song with wild musical changes. In general, he is a rather strange guy. Loves to play with everything he finds or steals. Sometimes he will steal my hair tie, bring it straight into my hands and wait for me to throw it into the corridor. And then he drags it back to me in his teeth and, like a dog, waits for the next throw. But that's not what this is about.
I waited with trepidation for the onset of summer, because at this time of year a bumblebee, mosquito or other flying creature could suddenly fly into the room. It just so happened that the last time my cat was outside was when he could fit in the palm of my hand (I picked him up from a box in the yard). This means that he did not encounter any butterflies or mosquitoes. And then some time ago a moth flew into our room, and I realized that summer would be fun.
The cat, who had never seen anything like this before, completely lost the remnants of consciousness. Moths - they fly near the ceiling, strive for the light of the chandelier, they have no need to sit on the floor. But the cat sincerely did not understand this. He shouted a battle cry, raised his tail like a pipe and, without taking his eyes off the moth beating under the ceiling, rushed straight to the wall.
Then he spun in a waltz and hit the table. With lightning speed he moved to the back of the sofa and hung on the night light. I walked along this back for a long time on my hind legs, leaning against the wall. And a moment later he was already hanging on the curtain. And all this time his mouth did not close. The cat made such sounds as if the bear had not stepped on his ear, but had completely crushed it, and he was howling from under the huge bear’s butt.
For about half an hour the cat ran around the room, knocking down corners, crashing into walls and trying to climb onto the ceiling using the wallpaper. The tongue hung out of the mouth, the pink nose turned red, the nostrils seemed huge. My paws were sweating and creaking on the parquet floor throughout the apartment. Sometimes the cat simply fell to the floor, like a bag of you know what, and closed his eyes, full of despair, so as not to see this horror.
But the evil moth did not want to go down to the floor. My belly button almost came loose from laughing. Wanting to help the poor cat, I lifted him with outstretched arms above me and do you know what I did? That's right, knocking corners, I began to run around the room after the moth, and above me, as if on a throne, sat a distraught cat, waving its paws, yelling, stuttering and energetically twisting its tail so as not to fall. This is how my husband found us. - What are you doing? - And here we are... this... catching a moth. “And I thought you were going to throw the cat out, but he doesn’t want to.”
@Anna
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Disease
The devils are going crazy in my stomach. I don’t understand, what’s wrong with me? I sob periodically. Uncomfortable. They took the bowl away. They pour some nasty stuff into the mouth. I resist. In vain.
The bowl is empty. My stomach is empty. I walk and it staggers. The next day they finally took pity. They put something in a bowl. With the last of his strength he dragged himself to her. What is this? Porridge? It's not even oatmeal, sir! Rice! Brrr... I had to eat. Nasty. But he ate. Without enthusiasm, but with enthusiasm. I hope my derogatory views will make them think!
Ear cleaning, injections - all this is unpleasant, but you can endure it, because - all the attention is on me!
Hospital
This is the only place in the world where everyone is equal. You’re a dog, a cat, a guinea pig—they won’t study your pedigree here. They will unceremoniously put a stick in your ear and feel everything, even where they are not supposed to. Shame and fear. You sit in the arms of your parents and you yourself already sympathize with this seemingly healthy Rottweiler, who pressed himself into the lap of his owner. If we were free, we would sympathize with each other! But this is a place of truce. It’s better not to stand out here, otherwise you’ll jump out of line. Although it’s so torn to scream at the top of your lungs. I’m sitting, hissing like an iron...
Well, if someone from the pack is sick, I act more humanely. I don't drag them to the hospital. I just lie down next to her and pretend to sleep. And I’m on my guard, in case I need help with something. Sorry. They understand me. I'm grateful. Where are they without me?
LiveInternetLiveInternet
March 8
Guests came to my people. A brilliant group of winter hats had gathered in the hallway. I managed to meet everyone, danced with one, and even persuaded a couple.
10th of March
The owners ate sausage, but they didn’t give it to me. I wrote a complaint right on the dining table. Was not understood... I slept in the toilet.
March 12
In the morning I wanted to open the curtains to admire the sun, but the hostess woke up and tore the curtains together with me. I ran from her for a long time, and then I got tired, lay down on the torn curtain and washed myself.
March 14th
An amazing discovery: if you put your paw in a slipper, the tip of someone’s paw comes out of the hole in the sock. I tried to find the owner of that paw in the slipper... it was useless, he was hiding. Tricky bastard! Well, it’s okay, sooner or later it will come out.
March 15th
For the first time I took a good look at my neighbor's chihuahua. Cute, even though she's a dog. What is March doing to us cats?
March 16
And how the owner and I caught this piece of paper yesterday, caught, caught..., strangled, strangled, strangled...
March 19
Today I was alone at home all evening. I missed you. Got drunk!
March 22
Surprisingly, all dogs are stupid and cannot be trained. It is impossible to teach one to go to the litter box. Or at least under the sofa... Why do people bother with them?
March 25
I sang all night until I got a slipper in the face. These primitive creatures could not appreciate Paganini's Second Violin Concerto in B minor! To get hit in the face during the performance of the majestic and noble “Campanella” - what could be more offensive?!..
March 28
People will never understand how cool it is to jump almost to the ceiling, and then slowly, slowly slide down, slightly holding onto the wallpaper with your claws.
April 1
Why did I eat Kalanchoe again? Why am I so addicted to this drug? I am a strong-willed and wholesome cat. I'll go eat some roses.
April, 4
I sometimes look at my man - why not life? He left the house in the morning and wandered around until the evening. They will meet you at the door, cuddle on their knees, and purr at you. Just know that it’s scratching behind your ear... Parasite!
April 7
So what if I shit in my slippers? Gulliver in the Land of Giants probably also no, no, and he shit in someone’s slippers! And no one poked his face for it!
April 8
Nightmare! Lately my sex life has not been very diverse. Muska, Puska, Buska, Lyuska, Aska, Murka, another Murka, Marquise and... almost everything! And so day after day, the same thing. This is already turning into some kind of routine, especially since these fools don’t learn anything. Sex is boring, gentlemen! I tell you this with authority.
April 10th
Who said that those born to crawl cannot fly? Nonsense! Slippers are very good... Even though they don't have wings. I checked.
14th of April
The owner desired the mistress and screamed all night under the window. But she didn’t let him in because he smelled of vodka - she knows that... I can’t stand that smell.
April 15
These creatures are simply obsessed with gold! “Oh, the chain! Oh, the chain! Shit is your gold... Damn, when will it come out??? I pushed for three hours. Cried a lot.
April 16
I lay in my chair with the newspaper all day. There are no mice or cockroaches in this house, who do you want to catch? I will catch crystal glasses in the sideboard! Or tangles...
April 17
It means that Galileo can throw weights from the Leaning Tower of Pisa, but I can’t throw a vase from a cabinet? Where's the logic? But there is no logic, there is medieval obscurantism and the genocide of cats!
April 19
Speaking of birds, some valerian would be nice!!! I was surprised to learn that people calm down from valerian. It’s just a waste of time to translate good things!
April 21
Yesterday the hostess saw my notes on the wallpaper, didn’t read it, but immediately burst into tears and again poked my face at April 7th for half an hour. This is the vaunted female logic!
April 22
The owner has developed a bad habit of hiding his shoes, either on the balcony or in the closet. Today I smelled them in the oven, somehow scratched the door and finally signed them!
April 23
This is the end. Tomorrow they will take me to castrate... Farewell, my dears! My relatives, my great beloved friends!.. Eh, it’s a pity that I didn’t drown when I was little!..
5 May
I haven’t written for a long time, because instead of surgery, the owner took me a hundred kilometers from the city and threw me off the train. I met some nice guys from the village of Vasyutkino, got hooked and only returned home yesterday. Everyone was, of course, shocked with joy. The owner fell ill with happiness.
May 7
In the morning I walked along the balcony, remembered Vishnevsky - “Oh, how suddenly the balcony ended...” - and fell down. As I flew by, I noticed a nice-looking cat in the second-floor window. Once the muzzle heals, I’ll have to go and meet him.
May 11
People are happy - the hostess gave birth to twins. Also an event for me. For some reason, they left the entire litter, didn’t drown anyone, didn’t give it to anyone. Apparently for sale.
May 15
Human kittens scream all night long, marking everywhere. And not a single one has ever been hit with a slipper for this! Where's the justice?
May 18
Today I proposed to Musa, she immediately agreed. We got married and immediately divorced, oh, what a wonderful world!!!
Upbringing
In order for a child to get any good out of him, he must be spanked. I was often and well flogged; I was raised to be a real cat. I am a real cat. This has already become obvious, so now they are not punished for pranks, but simply scolded, or maybe lightly spanked on the ass with a pillow. I pretend to be offended and fall asleep, pointedly turning away. I don't hold any grudges. They are good, but I’m not a gift either.
And sometimes I educate them. Now they are less likely to do what I don’t want. Sometimes they forget about it, but out of nobility I endure it, and when it gets enough of me, I resort to radical measures.
